It’s almost 8:30pm and it’s been a whirlwind of a day. I’ve been up since 5:15am. Usually, when my alarm goes off, I need a minute to breathe before I get out of bed. Lately, I’ve been waking up feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus. The amount of stress the past few years I think is finally catching up to me. I also heard that when you really start to do the healing work of therapy, your body just becomes tired. I’m not sure how much truth there is to that, but I low-key believe it.

I’d started working with a hormone coach a few months ago after a health issue popped up. I don’t really feel like getting into the health issue here (it has since resolved), but one of the questions she’d asked me during our intake was how energized I felt when I woke up. It honestly took me like five minutes to answer it because I truly never considered how I felt in the morning. I was just conditioned to get up and go, that I did just that, without ever really stopping to ask myself how I feel.

So I started paying attention to that - and yeah, I’ve realized that the majority of time I wake up feeling exhausted, stressed, and run down. I think the answer is probably to rest, but it’s hard for so many reasons. Namely, that the landscape of social media and thus, my business has changed. I’m usually on top of the changes, but if I’m being honest with myself, this time around, I haven’t been changing with the times.

Instead, I feel like I have been hibernating a bit for the last year. I haven’t been working those long 14 hour days like I used to - but I’ve been working in a different sense. In the sense of trying to take care of myself post Buckles’ passing, and all the other things that’ve gone on in my life over the last year. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced anxiety or depression, but when you’re kind of in it, everything feels difficult. Grocery shopping feels insurmountable. Unpacking feels exhausting, which is why my apartment is still lined with boxes of books and clothes and random bits and bobs. I know everyone always has a list of things they’ve got going on, but trying to navigate all the things while feeling the pull of anxiety and depression, it’s just a lot.

All that to say, it’s difficult to truly rest when you’re self employed and dealign with a bout of depression. My income has already decreased drastically this past year - likely from a combo of me not grinding as hard and the landscape of the business changing. So about a week ago, I decided I really need to get back on the horse and grind away. At least until I feel a little better financially.

Anyway, this morning I had a handful of clients to start the day. That felt nice, because the slow season has been slow and is still not back to normal. One client was running late, so I used that time to make a new TikTok. I’ve been trying to get with the times, and in this instance it means creating more content over there. Luckily someone had engaged with another video I did and asked a yoga question, which was an easy thing to film real quick. Because that’s my issue - I’m so creatively tapped out at the moment that I just have no idea what to post, so they typically are just quick, on-the-go vids.

Then, I raced home to try to sell stock and move some money so I could get some liquid cash into my account for the close of my house which is supposed to happen next week. That was relatively easy enough - shout out to Schwab. I love their customer service. You always get a real, live, actual human being who is always knowledgeable and helpful.

After that, I hopped on a call with Maegan to finalize our workshop agenda for tomorrow. We’re leading a continuing ed workshop all about How to Host Profitable Yoga Retreats. That took about an hour and a half, and then I went to the gym.

It’s been four days since my Moh’s Surgery, and I’m now only in a marginal amount of pain. The struggle is that I can’t find a comfortable sleeping position. There’s too much pressure on the sutres when I’m on my back, and my skin stretches when I’m on my side or my stomach, so I’ve been going on about 5 - 5.5 hours of sleep the last few nights. I feel about as good as that sounds.

The real kicker is that I’m really mentally struggling with not being able to workout at full capacity. I’m realizing that working out is my stress reliever and coping mechanism, and not being able to do what I’m used to doing at 100% just really tests my patience and sanity. Deep down, however, I know this forced reduction in activity is a blessing. I’ve been going too hard, for too long, on too little sleep. I also know that the alternative - had I not caught this mole - would’ve been much, much worse. So I’m trying to keep perspective here.

After the gym, I came home, showered, and heated up some leftovers for dinner, which was kind of abysmal. I’ve been so busy, and I’m also about to move, so I just haven’t been buying as much food lately. My dinner was disgusting - some leftover green beans, like an ounce and a half of leftover ground beef (whoops, thought I had more) - and since I didn’t have enough protein, I found a rogue salmon packet in the back of a cabinet. I didn’t have the patience/time/energy to make rice, so I topped it off with some fat instead (shredded cheese) and choked it down. Tomorrow I’ll go grocery shopping. Gah.

Then it was back to work. I created a packing list template and a pricing template for the workshop tomorrow, paid some bills, and now I’m writing this blog.

After this, I’ll try to finish the first ACOTAR book. I’ve got like 10 pages left. Don’t come for me, but I just could not get into it at all. Like, at all. Maybe I’ve been in therapy too long or something, but I low-key wonder if like my childhood/life trauma has impacted my ability to connect to fantasy or something. Like I just don’t feel anything for this character. I don’t “get” the mystical land and the high fae stuff. I don’t feel any emotional connection to any of the characters. The magical element of it all just turns me off completely. Is there something wrong with me? I’m gonna ask my therapist tomorrow, but a quick google tells me that people who experience traumatic stress reactions have challenges with imagination, so yeah, maybe I’m on the right track. I dunno.

Anyway. It’s now 9pm and it’s time for me to turn in. I don’t typically see clients on Tuesday, but I took one in the morning (trying to make that money!) and then I’ve got some programming to do for a few virtual custom training clients, and finishing up some loose ends for the 30 Day Challenge people. Oo, and I need to apply for my visa for the Kenya Safari Trip so I can tell everyone how to do it on our meet up call next week. There’s a lot on my plate, and I’m slowly but surely coming out of this Chapter of General Blah, so hopefully things will feel lighter sooner rather than later. Until then, we’ll just keep on keeping on.

A Typical (Boring) Day in My Life