Moh's Surgery

Surgery day ‘fit: Sandals from Greece, jeans, re/done tank dupe, YSL Downtown bag.

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Three quick things: I launched a new mobility bundle, I’m co-hosting a 30 Day Challenge, and I’m hosting a yoga teacher series of continuing ed workshops.

In October, a weird looking mole randomly appeared on my back. I only noticed because I’d been taking body composition photos from the front, the side and the back. There I was just tryna see those gainzzzzz but instead saw a freaking mole that’d never been there before.

Whatever, I figured, moles come with age, right?

I mean maybe…but in November photos I noticed it looked darker and also oddly shaped. Of course, this was November and I was going. through. it. My dog Buckles had been put down in July and I still felt like I couldn’t breathe when I thought about that loss. My divorce had been recently finalized, and I had moved into an apartment with all my stufffff lining the perimeter of the space, and the holidays were approaching, which I was dreading. It was not, in fact, the most wonderful time of the year. I was barely sleeping more than 5 hours a night, and stressed beyond belief. Should I have done something about the mole then? Yes. But at that point, I was counting it a win if I could just get through the day.

In January, it was noticeably darker and I thought, ‘Ok, I have to figure this out.’

Anyway, I finally got it biopsied in April and it turned out to be something I needed to get removed right away. They recommended a plastic surgeon for Moh’s Surgery, so that’s what I did. The mole itself was small, but they took a good chunk because I guess it’s sort of like an iceberg. You know, where you see the top, but aren’t sure how deep and wide it is until they get in there.

Look at that beautiful erector spinae muscle tho, haha

In the days leading up to the surgery, I was really stressed out. Not so much about the procedure itself, but because I hated the idea that I am so seemingly healthy on paper, but these little cancer cells had a big ol’ party and started to turn into something that could’ve eventually killed me. And I know we all have cancer cells in our bodies and the things we do daily, along with other factors, are determining whether or not those cells grow or die, but it just gave me this drain swirling existential dread and I was feeling like, ugh. Is this how it ends?

I’ve learned not to trust my thoughts after like 10pm. Everything always looks brighter in the morning. Good rule of thumb.

Anyway. The procedure itself was pretty painless because I was totally numb. It didn’t really feel like anything while he cut, and when he stitched me up it just felt like my skin was sort of being pulled. Pretty painless. They said I’d be swollen and that I might be in pain for a bit, but it hasn’t kicked in yet. I was told to shower in a day and change the dressing then, and I’ll have the stitches removed in 10 days or so.

The toughest part of this, I think, is going to be a reduction on movement. I asked what moves specifically I should avoid as a personal trainer and someone who works out consistently, and the surgeon just couldn’t answer me. He was like, ‘Ah, I dunno, just take it easy for like a week.’ And so I’m like, ‘Ok does that mean don’t workout at all? Could I go for a brisk walk or a run or is that level of minor twisting on the torso too much?’ And he was like, ‘I’m ok with you weight training or running, just take it easy.’

And so I told him I just don’t even know what ‘take it easy’ means. Like does that refer to intensity? Volume? I continued to press him for examples or specifics and he finally was like, ‘If you don’t care about scarring, do whatever you want. If you want it to heal nicely, the less you stretch that skin, the better. It’ll probably be bumpy for a few months but eventually it should lay flat. If this were on your forehead or if you were an elderly person in a wheelchair, it’d heal up without even a hint of a scar because there’s such little movement happening on your forehead, and when you’re in a wheelchair, you’re barely moving.’

So… I guess I’m just going to try my hand at “taking it easy” ….which, if you know me at all, you know that’s going to be nearly impossible. But ultimately, I am thankful it’s on my back because if there’s a scar there, who cares. And also, I’m just grateful I even found it in the first place. I truly don’t know if I’d ever have seen it if I hadn’t been taking those body comp photos.

I paid out of pocket for it, because I missed the window for signing up for health insurance (don’t worry, I will be ON IT as soon as open enrollment starts again). Even with health insurance, I would’ve had to hit a my deductible anyway, so it is what it is. I had multiple people ask if I had a GoFundMe, and that just doesn’t feel right to me, but if you wanted to support, I’ve got a new Mobility Bundle for sale. I filmed part of it today (don’t tell my surgeon), but it’s a great comprehensive set of follow along classes to help improve your overall mobility. They’re also downloadable, too, so you can keep them forever on your device, which is especially nice if you’re traveling and/or don’t have good wifi where you are. If you snag it, I hope you enjoy. And if you don’t need a mobility bundle but still want to offer some support, you can do that here.

Showing up online kinda sucks when you’re going through it and don’t feel like showing up, but so many people have reached out to say they’re now inspired to get their skin checked, and that makes me feel really good. Get that skin checked, friends, and keep on keeping on. xo.